So you have cheated on your partner, and got caught?
It doesn't mean the end of your marriage or relationship. If you both want a better outcome you can make it work. Your relationship can survive it If you both want it to. But repairing a relationship after infidelity can only happen if you truly regret your decision to cheat. If you choose to confess make sure you do it for the right reasons not to only ease your own guilt.
Infidelity comes in many forms consciously and sub-consciously. You might want to end your marriage so use cheating as your way out of a unwanted marriage. Other's cheat because they need validation or forfillment from anyone that will take time to see them for who they are. Then there is the ones that makes an impulsive decision and take oppurtunities for immediate gratification....
Regardless of the reasons, some relationships will be salvageable after cheating and yes some might not make it.
Deciding the relationship is not salvageable after cheating can be a painful but necessary conclusion. Don't make it ugly always remember after all the hurt it takes two to tango. And no i am not talking about the affair but the marriage it takes two to make it work. So when you are in the blaming stage. Do write your name and your short comings down as well as your partners.
But let's concentrate on saving a marriage that you decided to cheat on
1. Take time for yourself. And ask yourself are you really regretful that you cheated?? Are you ready to be held accountable for cheating?? Are you willing to invest the time to heal your relationship?? Will you do it again??
Be honost with yourself it might just clarify alot about yourself.
2. Stop cheating. If you are really committed in making your relationship work, you will be able to stop the cheating. When it was fleeting it might be easier to cut all ties but in a emotional affair, sorry the process is more difficult. You found something in a person other than your partner that gave you confidence love attention. To cut ties like that is most difficult so choose wisely...
3. Blaming. Avoid putting all the blame on your partner or on your relationship problems. You both had a finger in the marriage pie. So yes you are both responsible for the transgressions. Take your responsibility and handle it. They didn't cheat you did remember that no matter what the reason you use you can't undo that point. BUT
They have to see and hear your reason's why you stepped out. And just like you are taking responsibility they have to as well.
4. Be Honost. You must be Honost with yourself and your partner. If you want to move forward. It's likely that you lied to your partner to keep your secret safe. Now is the time for transparency. It is important for both partners to be honest and talk about their expectations.
5. Keep your promises. If you say you are going to be somewhere be there. Be dependable and don't break promises. It will make your life easier on the road to recovery.
6. Be open and patient. Be open to letting your partner know where you are, who you are with, and so on. Try not to hide things from them anymore. Yes I know somethings is better not knowing but don't use it as an excuse you know what I am saying. It is normal for your partner to feel betrayed and mistrustful. Acknowledge their feelings and work toward rebuilding the TRUST you have betrayed. Don't expect trust from the start and don't always see distrust in every action or facial expression. It's a thin line you are walking so you will need to be alot of things.
6. COMMUNICATE. If you cheated because your needs in the relationship wasn't met. Tell it to them they can't read your mind, although it seems like it at times! It's important you both understand each other fully and have a sense of what the other person needs.
7. Take time out. Just walk away when feeling gets to high. Take a breather you have a lifetime of conversations to catch up on. Don't try and get everything said and done within a few minutes or days. It won't work.
If you stay together, your relationship will be different moving forward. But you can build a new relationship. It will take time, but try to look toward a future together, not the past.
If your partner wants to end the relationship, you need to respect their decision. They may also need time and space away from you before they decide and that's OK.