Why You May Have Cheated
Understanding the reasons you cheated can help you make peace with your own actions as well as inform the decisions you make about your relationship moving forward.
Being Unhappy in the Relationship
Be honest about why you cheated in the first place.
Many people cheat because they're unsatisfied with the relationship. Maybe you fell out of love with your partner. It's possible you cheated because you were unhappy and wanted the relationship to end.
Or, maybe you cheated because you're not as committed to your partner as they are to you. You may decide you don't want to continue the relationship.
If you aren't feeling confident about putting in the work to repair the relationship and fully committing to your partner, be honest and tell them.
Some people cheat because they are seeking revenge for something their partner did to them. For instance, maybe you are angry at them for betraying you. Perhaps your partner cheated in the past or crossed your boundaries. Victims of sexual betrayal often seek revenge in the form of infidelity.
Maybe you've felt neglected and lonely in the relationship, and you are seeking attention from your partner by having an affair with someone else.
By cheating, you might've been fulfilling sexual desires that aren't being met in your relationship.You and your partner can have an open conversation about your sexual needs—especially in a safe setting where you're both comfortable sharing, such as therapy.
However, there may be needs your partner can't fulfill. If you want to engage in sexual acts that your partner doesn't feel comfortable with, you have to honor their boundaries.Your attachment style—the way you relate to other people—may also influence cheating. People with an insecure attachment style often feel a lack of love from their partner and have low self-esteem.You might seek validation by having an affair.
Adult children still living in the house can have a major effect on a marriage. Especially if the child has mental or physical disabilities. There is just not enough time to spend quality time together. The child needs all the attention 24/7 so you as parent wants to be there for your child and in the process forget your partner.
You might be together for such a long period of time... That you forget to see your partner as your partner and start treating them as one of the kids.
No matter what type of personality you have, you can still have a successful, monogamous relationship if that's what you truly want. The first step is being honest and understanding yourself better.
A Word From Verywell
You may have been unhappy in your relationship for a long time. Cheating usually complicates relationships, even if it felt good in the beginning. It is courageous to be honest with yourself and your partner. You can recommit to your partner, or you both may decide it's better to move on and end the relationship. Either way, accepting responsibility from both parties will help your progress.