The Shackz
Welcome To The Shackz.
The Shackz is in memory of my father, who was never understood. Was labelled as the baddest person on earth. He had never seen a psychiatrist psychologist in his life. But was diagnosed by word of mouth. He never stood a chance. He was labelled and that was that. Over the years his symptoms were worsen and his legacy was ripped apart. His kindness big heart quiet personality, never drank, let's just say his goodness was painted black as night, no star no moon, just this very dark person who was called everything from a psychopath to a sociopath. Much more was said and i started finding out about what exactly made him tick.
I found my answers and in the process of finding answers about a man who rather avoid people, I found myself. And i can say with pride yes, I am just like my f$&^%#!!! father. So yes, those who condemned him was right about one thing I am his daughter.
I was diagnosed with bipolar depression, anxiety, ptsd,, lupus and fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis. A couple of months ago I was told by my psychologist that the Bipolar is now a bit more troublesome and I got diagnosed with Complex Bipolar Depression. It meant more meds more fighting to stay positive. But up to now I am doing quite well, understand me well. I may be saying I am doing quite well but every day is a struggle everyday you have to tell yourself you aren't going down that rabbit hole. No matter how many times you are being told you should just piss off and die. You stay because through all this battles there was one person who supported you. And for him I will take the abuse, I will take the baiting the F.U. attitude. I will walk away, cry my cry behind closed doors. And come back to take some more. Why? Because that one person held me together when i fall to pieces. ❤️❤️
Yes somedays you battle not to get angry, you battle to keep quiet, but most of all you battle to live with your own conscience because the one you are staying for is obviously not coping, not looking after himself, he just keeps quiet when being verbally and physically attacked and you get mad and you wonder did I make the right decision but then he holds you together again when the next bomb hit and you feel guilty for getting angry because he allows to be taken advantage off to be sweared at to be disrespected. So, you avoid conflict, you keep quiet, and you feel yourself getting lost again.
This is where The Shackz comes in to play. You start working harder, trying to be there for unknown people who actually needs you who appreciates your efforts to help them. And you feel I AM WORTH IT. Be it right or be it wrong, you start living just for the one who always holds you together. And you start your own family of two. And your extended family exist of admins and clients who you mean something for.
For everyone reading this i hope it makes a difference in your life. I hope you see that no matter how bad it goes you don't know what's around the next corner. And having someone holding your pieces together is more worth than being ripped apart, spitefulness. and everything else that's being thrown at you.
Wherever you are right this moment, feeling lost, no one understands you. Tired of the abuse, just need to talk. We are here all you need to do is reach out and face your demon by talking about it, give it air give it light. There's no shame in having a bad day a bad month or even a bad life. It's how you react to this demon in your life that makes the difference.
We have you
Toni
The Shackz
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