Reflections A Breast Cancer Survivor part 2

Hannelie's life story cont. "Two yrs later, I went for a check up. And another tumor was found. At first they were just going to remove the tumor and see how it goes. Once again a prosthesis was put in. I was told not to worry because this was a different kind and they had great success with it. Within 3 days the portovac drain was removed and I was discharged, with a temp of 38.4. The surgeon said not to worry everything will be fine. And he will be away for 6 weeks on leave, but gave me a number to phone if I was worried about something. Same story as the first. After a week I realized something was wrong. I had severe pain, could hardly move my Right arm. My whole breast was hot, red and painful. Phoned the number the dr gave me, he said sorry, he couldnt touch me, as it was a plastic surgeon who did the opp. I have to wait for him to come back, no antibiotics no analgesia, i couldnt get nothing. I was getting so depressed. The second week my breast made the 1st sinus and was draing this greyish fowl odour puss. The sinusses followed almost daily. One day felt this warm fluid running down my side, on checking I found another sinus formed about the size of a R2 coin. My husband took me to the local hospital, still no one would even look at the wound, by that time I already had 5 or 6 open sinusses all oozing this fowl smelling puss. I had moved into a seperate room cos my husband couldnt stand the smell. I was going off my nut... That constant flesh rotting smell under your nose all the time, really drove me grazy. My husband started to change, coming home as drunk as a skunk most of the time now. Then about 6 weeks after the opp, I lay on the bed watching my husband taking a look at the wounds, next minute I saw my R nipple and aereola just disappear, and this grey puss just pouring out. My husband swore and grabbing towels to cover the mess, he told me to get dressed. He took me back to hospital, once again they refused to even look at the breast. I was told to go back to my dr. My husband got his home address and we went there. His wife opened the door and wanted to know what we wanted. I told her Im septic, she told me "jy weet nie wat is septies nie" (you dont know what is septic) As a nurse I sure did know. The dr came to the door, quite rude because we came to his house. That was when my husband lost it and knocked him out cold. The drs wife called the police, they arrived. Then my husband ripped my top open and told them "you try and live with that everyday, pointing to my bare chest. The dr didnt press charges. Two hours later I was in theatre where they removed the prosthesis . I was in hospital for 2 weeks. Getting Iv antibiotics etc. One day while the nurse did my dressing I asked her to pass me a mirror so I can see the wound. She handed me the mirror and that was the last I remembered. I passed out. It was like something out a horror movie, I had an wide open wound from the middle of my chest to under my R arm. Each time my husband would come see me in hospital he would be drunk, then he'd start a fight with me, it got so bad that the hospital security had to phisically remove him at times. Was sent home 2 days later with the wound still open. The 1st time my dressing had to be replaced my husband took the old dressing off and started crying left the room and me lying on the bed with the wound still open. My son came in and I asked him where his dad was, he said "Ma his standing outside by the car crying. Buy I'll do your dressing. He was then about 9 or 10 yrs old. My husband never touched me again after that. Then came the chemo and I lost most of my hair and had to shave the rest off. By that time the oozing had stopped and the wound started to close up. So one night my husband came to the spareroom and told me to come back to our bed. I dreaded it because I knew what he wanted. At one stage he put his hand on chest felt there was nothing there, started swearing at me, and asked "what the f*** are you now really, man or woman." I just kept quiet and weeped into my pillow as he stormed out the house and left to return again 3 days later. He made me sleep in our bed. I'd wake up from him pleasing himself next to me. Most of the time I'd pretend I didnt know, but as soon as he realized I am awake he'd say things like "I rather wank than touch something looking like you" . He started beating me black and blue. Of cause I couldnt fight back. I was still too sore. Then one night late I sat in the dark lounge, just sitting, my husband was passed out in bed. And I thought my son was also asleep, untill a movement in the passage caught my eye. It was my son with our slaughtering knive raised above his head ready to stabb his dad. My feet got wings that moment, next thing I grabbed the arm with the knive, my other hand over his mouth, I reversed him out the room. Tears was streaming down his face. All he kept saying was: "mom Im gonna kill him. He won't hurt you no more" I had a long talk with him to calm him down. The next day my husband started with me as soon as he woke up. I just kept quiet, he turned me around shouting: " So what now, now you're sulking" He pulled back his fist to hit me again, and that was when something in me just snapped, and I hit him so hard he fell over the coffee table. Knocking his head open. I told him: "If you ever touch me again, I WILL KILL YOU" . My wound ripped open again. But I couldn't care, I wasnt gonna let my son ruin his life by trying to protect me. My husband went to town the next day and never returned. I divorced him 7yrs later. And I havent seen or heard from him since. I litterally locked myself away for 17 yrs. The only places I went was work and church. I wouldnt even sit on my verandah. I didnt want people to see me. I always wore oversized tops so no one would see my chest. Got rid of all my dresses and has never worn a dress since. No mirrors were allowed in my house except small ones. 19 Years ago I met a wonderful man on Mixit. Spoke for months until he insisted meeting me. I refused, but he found me anyways. We were together for 19 yrs, he accepted me as I was with no boobs, never once made a negative remark about it. And just loved me for ME, till the end. He passed away 8 months ago. Sadly for me, after 30 yrs they found a tumor again on my right side. I feel devastated, but thank God that there is no man in my life that could possible hurt me that way again... "Hannelie has decided to go for treatment. And I will keep you updated, on how she's fighting for the 3rd time. Our prayers, lots of love and hugs from everyone whose life she touched being the woman who runs a shelter without funds a volunteer admin always willing to take the button and just being an powerfull woman she is. And to all those reading this, and going through something similar. Our prayers and group is with you, do like Hannelie did: just say Hi..." A special shout out to Chantellee for bringing the big mirror in... Thank you for sharing Hannelie

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