Reflections A Breast Cancer Survivor part 1

"I haven't met Hannelie in person. But just loved her wit and wiseness. I knew she has scars both physically and mentally. Until she told me her 'story'. Today I feel proud to call her a Chat Shack admin."

Toni🪔

Hannelie's life story...

"The first time i was diagnosed with cancer i was devastated.

The doctor want to see myself my husband and my son and he explained, what they were gonna do. He went through the whole procedure, and also told us I might not pull through. I will never forget the look on my husband and son's faces. It was total shock.

My reaction...

I just cried and cried, not because the dr said I might not make it but because I knew my husband was a boob man, how was he gonna take it???? And then also I have an 7 or 8 yr old son who suffered from geandmal & status epilepsy. Who was gonna take care of him? I was petrified, and remember praying and praying: " Please God, dont let me die, please just give me n chance to get him grown up and be able to take care of himself, please!!!!"

My husband was fantastic. He kept on reassuring me that it would make no difference to him.

When I cried, he would just hold me tight and stroke my head. Or let me lay with my head on his lap, stroking my arm or hair. Reassuring me "everyting was gonna be okay, we will get through it.

No matter where we were suddenly the tears would just be pouring.

Then I was admitted. They did my mastectomy and placed a prosteses in. I've never felt so much pain in my life. The dr said it was because of the weight of the prostesis, and that I should remember it placed in a raw wound, it should settle in a couple of days. I went home, had to hold the reconstructed boob in my hands when ever I moved because it was so painfull.

Two days later a had a fever, I couldn't handle the pain. The wound was red and hot and I knew I had problems.

Went back to the dr. They did an emergency opp to remove the prostesis. My body had rejected it.

My fear levels went through the roof. Now there is no more boob. I was sent home with massive open wound on my chest.

I was devastated. My clothes didnt fit properly anymore. It was all scew and looked terrible.

My son and husband took turns helping me with my dressings.

I remember watching them closely to see their expressions, I was horrified. The disgust and mixed emotions flashing across my husbands face I will never forget. My son started having one fit after the other, so I stopped him from doing my dressings. If my husband wasn't availabe I'd try and do the plugging etc myself. Which wasn't easy with just one hand to use. It took 3months for the wound to close up. But it did eventually. Had to have a couple more opps to fix the damage the prostheses did. At that time my husband was still okay. The only thing that really bugged me was, no matter who we met up with, he would tell them, my wife just lost her breast and how it was soo hard on HIM... and immediately their eys would go to my chest area and I would wish the earth would just open and swallow me in.

It became a habit to watch peoples faces when they look at me, you know like where are their eyes focussed my face or chest. I started refusing to go out would stay in my home at all times. Couldnt stand the sight of myself in a mirror. I only kept mirror where I can see only my face. Still did that till maybe a week ago."

Thank you Hannelie

Toni🪔

Chat Shack