My Child-My Abuser
My Child - My Abuser
Occasional conflict is normal between parents and their children when teens/young adults are attempting to separate themselves from their parents and establish their own independence. During this time, they may resist authority and become defiant.
Parent abuse is not an argument or disagreement, nor is it an anger management issue. It is control and power that the teen/young adult wants to have over their parent. They control, manipulate and try to intimidate. This abuse is ongoing and not on an occasional or one-time basis.
Parents who are abused have one thing in common – despair. Abused parents are parents who have lost the ability to parent their teens/young adults and who need support to regain a leadership role in their families.
Parent abuse is any act of a teen/young adult that is intended to cause physical, emotional or financial damage to gain power and control over a parent and/or any behaviour that is deliberately harmful to the parent. The abuse usually begins verbally and emotionally and then may become physical. A recent Canadian census showed that 42.3% of children aged 20-29 live with their parents. An adult child living with their parents can put a lot of stress on family relationships and in some cases play a role in parent abuse, especially when there are drug and/or alcohol addictions and financial problems.
Parent abuse crosses all social, cultural and economic lines – poor and rich, educated and not. Women who are single parents are often the targets of abuse and mothers are more often and more severely abused than single fathers. This may be because women continue to be the primary caregivers in most families and often have closer emotional and physical connections to their children.
In a relationship where there's a mom and a dad. The young adult is therefore a easy target for the young adult. They will try and cause a rif between the parents. Especially if one parent is easier to manipulate.
They will try to get the parents separate, because they know they will get away with everything with the easy parent. The parent that defies the young adult will be subjected to intense non stop abuse. For one reason and one alone to get them out of the family circle.
The young adult has already established their dominance, when the one parent give in to the abuse, allow the young adult to talk and react anyway they choose. Keeping quiet and walking away, isn't always the answer. In this scenario walking away, means you give them your blessing to do as they please.
Remember any small thing you as parent do to accomedate this young adult you are giving them power to do as they want.
Yes you are quite right thinking power struggle, Because that's exactly what it is...
What is your standing in a family circle. The "pleaser" or the "opponent"
Emotional Support Line
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