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Helping Your Adult Child Without Enabling Them.

Moving your adult child into independence will take time and patience. They and you didn’t get here overnight. So try to remain calm, firm and non-controlling. At least as much as you can.

If you have a partner both of you must work together to achieve the aim of guiding your adult child into healthy independence.

Other Tips To Help.

If your adult child is living at home they have to contribute part of their income for room and board. They should also contribute to chores and house maintenance, with money, time and sweat equity.

If they can afford it ask them to move out. Or at the very least agree a time line on when they will move out. Then stick to the agreed timeline.

If you are paying rent for them, agree a timeline for decreasing and then stopping this.

Stop paying their bills, debts or for other items. Again stop immediately or agree a time line for this to happen.

Have a standard response. So that if you are caught off guard you can give this and still be true to your new boundaries. For example: They say they need money. You say “I need to discuss it with your father/mother”, or “I need to think this through first”. This will give you time to adjust, think and remain steadfast to your new rules. It also shows a united front if you both say the same thing.

Set limits on how you will help in a crisis. Explain how this will work to them. Encourage them instead to problem solve by asking them about their ideas first before you give your opinion.

Remember this is not a popularity contest. So don’t enter it. You will get emotional buttons pushed. You might even get rejected at first. But they will come around again when they learn to be an adult. That’s why you are working with a therapist, to help you deal with this fallout.

Remember you are allowed to change your mind about how and when you help your adult child. Be honest with them and if you can’t afford it, financial, mentally or emotionally, explain this to them.

If they have an addiction, they need help beyond what you can give them. You can look for support groups for them, and you. Or look for a treatment program. But they have to attend if they are to get better.

This Takes Time And Patience.

This won’t be a quick fix. It took time to get to this point with your child. Now it will take some time and patience with yourself and them. Plus some strong resolve on your part to stick to your plan. But through it all remember why you are doing this. As much as you love them, you are doing this for them. You won’t be around forever. Your child needs to grow up and become an independent adult capable of standing on their own two feet.

Work With Me.

Remember you are allowed to ask for support. No one is an island. If you need extra support then you can also work with me. We all struggle with stress and overwhelm from time to time. If you find this has become a problem for you and you’d like some support then schedule an appointment with me.

The Shackz

Emotional Support Line

WhatsApp Groups


083 651 3729


079 847 4709

Growing Wings

Page for Women


071 060 4339

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