Im sorry that I haven't written anything lately. I've been having a bit of a rough time. My emotions being all over the place. Then fine then depressed and anxious. Even having fights with God. Thank goodness He is a forgiving God.
At times I feel like I dont even have the will to get out of bed. Other times feeling sorry for myself.
Then I pick myself up again, with the help of Toni, Frik and even clients on the groups who know my cancer is back.
I have to see the oncologist again soon. And Im petrified of what I will hear. Has the tumor gone smaller or bigger. Its on my right side now.
And the other night while bathing I felt a lump on the left side, more on the side of my chest. I almost died with shock. Wondering if thats yet another tumor. Will hear what they say when I see the dr.
So I've been a bit stressed out.
Also had so many problems I had to deal with concerning the shelter. At times I just wanna give up and actually wish God will take me home soon, so I can go rest.
I feel so tatally exhausted at times, now started getting rashes, hotflushes, body pains and cramps soo bad, temps thats skyhigh one moment and then getting coldsweats again. It just feels as though my life is falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it.
Just knowing there are people depending on me and need me, is all that keeps me pulling myself together again and fight the fight again.
Ive veen very tearful since yesterday. Seems like once the tears come, it just wont stop. Which might be a good thing. It has to come out somewhere, as I've never really been a person to show my emotions, specially not when Im sick or hurting.
I really want to thank Toni and Frik for always somehow knowing and then giving me that push again to carry on. You're the best. May God Bless you.
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