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Well when I said I had a grandpa, actually and unfortunately his still alive. I was about 10 (could have been younger or older not sure, memory), when my mom, older brother and I would visit the grandparents at their house. He would always be sitting in the sewing room/computer room when we would arrive. I always seemed to be the last one to say hello to him. When I did say hi to him, he would manage to turn me around so my back was to his front. He would "hug" me but also place his hands on my breasts and on my vagina while hugging me. This always happened in front of a mirror. I didn't understand it but knew it was wrong. Didn't say anything. This always happened when we would visit their house, never if they visited us. Also never happened if my dad came with. My brother and I would often sleep over if my parents had an evening planned. The one time he would come into the room where I would sleep and stand there, I knew something was up, I often woke up and saw him standing over me.

He would shave especially for me, so i could greet him. All of the greeting way...This happened all the time until the one day i went to say hello to him, he was playing a computer game, i sat next to him on his right. All of a sudden I froze (felt like forever) he put his hand on my leg then up my short pants and started playing with my privates. I turned and saw this smug look on his face. I got up and went to the bathroom, locked the door and tried to wash it away. The door handle turned but overheard 'oh megans in there'.

I wrote on a piece of paper to my mom 'grandpa just touched me down there'. Not to be rude my mom said we cant go yet our cups arent cold yet. (Old irish stuff). In the car ride home nothing was said until we got home. Mom kept on asking "are you sure, are you sure it happened" [[it was my moms father]]

My dad with my mom phoned him and asked did you do this. He says "oh i didnt know what i was doing"

After phoning him my parents just did not talk about it anymore.

If or when I visited grandparents I had to say hello to him. I refused.

The one day they both arrived at our house wanting to talk. I was basically forced to sit next to him and the couch. He took hold of my hand and started crying. Granny said you must now choose, either you drop all of this and keep visiting or we dont visit anymore and see each other. I was more confused then and mixed emotions.

So i said i still want to see them.

Wrote letters to both of them explaining how I felt. The old man read his but gran didnt. Just told me "you should feel lucky at least it was grandpa"

In short after this i got involved in

> started mastubating badly

> started working and was raped everyday for 2 years. (From behind and forcefully.) This is a long story too

> started hurting myself. (This i won. 5 years clean)

> been put in mental hospitals which didnt help

> been told several times by therapist/psychitrists that Im lying.

This is why i dont look at myself.

This is why I still can't cope, still can't except myself.

Grandad you took not only my trust in people and family members but my trust in myself.


Thank you for speaking out. And know we believe in you. And will be here for you...


Founder & Creator

The Shackz

083 651 3729

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