Bipolar and Love
Does my bipolar disorder distort my perception of other people’s behavior towards me, or does the disorder give me a special insight into other people's behavior toward me?
What a great question this is. It’s still a question in my own mind. The answer I come up with is… both. While in a manic state we believe that we know the attitudes, opinions, and even interactions between the people around us. We “know “ who is plotting against us, who they are talking to, and what they are saying. We clearly see all their underlying motives. Basically, we are mind readers , clairvoyants, and visionaries. For the most part, it’s delusional bullshit. We are not gods. Most all of it is conjured up in our own mind. The more paranoid we are, the farther off track our delusion.
We also have to face the fact that in our lives we do have duplicitous people. They meet us with one face, and talk different behind our back. They have hidden agendas they are working to their advantage. We even have some that feel guilty about how they have come to feel about us. Let’s face it, we are not the easiest people to live with. These people become very offended, and often frightened by us when we are manic. The closer to home that our accusations and recriminations hit, the farther we drive them away.
People that truly love us, and feel no guilt in the relationship stay. Those that leave us, do not do it because of anything we have said. They leave us because the relationship was not right to begin with. The time after the manic phase is where these people wash out. We tend to take the burden of guilt on ourselves for ruining everything. More often, it is a two way street. Our mania just uncovers the problems.
Stay strong. And remember in someone's eyes you are perfect.
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