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At what point

At what point does "sense of self" turn into "selfish and intolerant"? The past couple of days I was stunned by how openly antagonistic people got over religion. But it could have been anything personal. It could have been a tendency towards or dislike of foul language. It could have been two different perceptions or opinions on which form of abuse is worse. It might be about what people see as substance abuse, where one person thinks someone is addicted while the user feels and believes it is controlled use. The possibilities for confrontation in any interpersonal relationship are vast when it comes to wanting to feel vindicated or wanting to be agreed with in certain matters. The issue is the balance between tolerating a viewpoint differing from our own and feeling that we are important enough so that our viewpoint is accepted and acted upon. This is just where the shit hits the fan. Because on the other end of the argument is another hurting human wanting the exact same thing. I want u to see and respect my point of view, but I am unwilling to even consider looking at yours. Why is this? Simply because in considering your viewpoint I might agree with it, and that would make my viewpoint wrong or weak. And sometimes we interpret that weak viewpoint as a sign of weakness within ourselves. And that percieved weakness within ourselves makes us want to lash out and fight for what we believe is our right to be right. So, how to avoid these needless fights? Firstly decide if it is your business. Plain and simple. Why do I want to have this discussion. The only valid reason should be to honestly help the next person, without expecting some return or specific result. Secondly, decide how important being right is before you start a discussion, because once words are spoken they are set in stone in someone's memory. More so even with harsh or unkind words. Decide whether being right is worth the risk of losing a friend, of losing the respect of a colleague or losing the good faith of a stranger. Next, decide how you would want someone to discuss this topic with you. Consider tone of voice,choice of words, where and when to have this talk. Never start your discussion with "You". Most people feel attacked or threatened the minute you tell them "You did XYZ." And their natural response is probably going to be a counterattack since that word "You" makes them feel under attack. A viable alternative is "I feel fhis way because it seems you did or said....etc." Listen to understand and not to answer. Finally: Live and let live, unless you are getting walked over. In that case, call it quits and find someone that will appreciate you. The Shackz Admin Mike +27665569007

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