An Open Suicide Letter to Myself
By the time you read this I’ll be gone
I’ll be nothing more than a fleeting memory that invades your mind in the dead of night- a passive thought you reminisce back on years from now.
Maybe with sorrow
Hopefully with a smile
Don’t worry, I’ll still be here- existing forever within the memories and experiences we once shared.
All of which I’m eternally grateful for.
Grateful to you and the rest of the world for letting me experience.
Some moments of pure bliss filled with laughter that echoed throughout the night as time flew from our grasps.
Others of darkness that seemed to go on endlessly, turning mere seconds into an eternity.
It was in those moments that I found life.
A constant reminder that I still existed.
But it’s becoming too much for me now.
Those nights full of despair became days, then months, and slowly years. The same despair that served as a reminder that I was alive now taunts me with life.
It sounds like I’m being ungrateful.
Just a whiny little bitch complaining about something so minute compared to all the other problems of the world.
I guess I am.
How can my sadness stack up against the harsh realities of life elsewhere- where people are being slaughtered endlessly, dying of disease and famine.
No homes.
No family.
I have no right to complain.
I guess I’m just not as strong as you are.
It’s said only the strongest, most adaptable survive.
So it’s only fitting that you live to carry on this legacy.
I hope one day you forgive me for being such a burden.
For running away from all the mistakes I’ve made, problems I created- leaving you to take care of them.
It’s very selfish of me.
But I know you’ll be able to handle it.
You’re stronger than I ever was.
Strong enough to shoulder the weight of the world
And keep moving forward.
By the time you finish reading this I’ll be gone, but you’ll still be here.
You’ll still have a chance to create the life you want to live.
I know it’s asking for a lot but I have a final wish.
I wish you keep living for both of us.
I wish you continue this life and don’t succumb to the circumstances of it.
Love and give infinitely.
Experience all there is to.
Chase after your dreams and wishes.
Live a fulfilling life for the both of us.
Live.
Every second we’re alive, we have the chance to recreate ourselves.
From the second our eyes open and witness the sun radiating above us, we’re given a new opportunity to live the life we want to- to become the person we wish to be.
We can shed off our old skin and become shells of our former selves.
It’ll be hard.
But you’re strong.
Kill the part of yourself that you despise.
Let the part of you that wants to thrive be born.
Do this everyday till your former self is nothing but a memory you reminisce back on with gratitude for helping you become a better version of yourself.
Live.
The Shackz
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