A hard goodbye
You never see it coming.
You think you are safe. You think that you are living the lucky life you really deserved. But you did not see the lump.
And when you feel it, you do not panic because it’s only a little lump, right ? What could be so very dangerous about that ?
So you go to your doctor’s, and she sends you to a specialist, and not much later, when you visit the man, you are asked to sit down. In this kind of context, this is not a good sign — you know that — but that does not mean you need to panic, right ?
The good doctor tells you you have breast cancer, but you don’t understand.
“But the lump is in my armpit ?”
And it is, because the cancer has spread to your lymph nodes, and when you hear the word “spread,” your heart skips a beat.
The memory to your aunt who died young from aggressive breast cancer metastasis suddenly crosses your mind in an alarming way — this isn’t right at all, and you are scared !
But the doctor is not ready yet, because the bad news still has to come.
And he tells you that the cancer has spread to your bones, and that you are suffering from Stage IV breast cancer, and that the survival rate after 5 years is 22%, and median survival is 3 years.
And that, since you have faulted BRCA genes, your chances are even worse. Worse than 22%. Worse than 3 years.
You can’t understand the words anymore — it is too much.
The room is moving, and your future suddenly dangles from a very thin rope. You are losing all grip on your life — it will never be the same. (What about your children ?)
And what you don’t know, is that in less than four years, the cancer will have spread to your liver, and that the metastasis will change your complexion so drastically that when you see your ex-husband accidentally near the end of June, you see the shock in his eyes.
And in the silence.
And that two months later, your doctor will tell you that you won’t make it through August.
(And that in September you were gone.)
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Cancer and Other Untreatable Diseases
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